India is my country and all types of Indians are my brothers and sisters. Sure! What about the people who are not Indians? Only we Indians can answer that question. We are generally nice to everyone we meet. We have the warmth, the love people crave for. But the problem is that we are finicky. We choose the people we want to shed our love and warmth on.
You should meet us when we are on our vacation. We’re a bit… different from our day to day lives! There are different types of Indians on different types of vacation.
Here is a summary of the types of Indians that you’ll find on the beaches.
The X-Ray Eyed
The next time the doctor tells you to do x-ray girls, go to Goa. There will be plenty of men ready to x-ray you from head to toe without any equipment. Their eyes are enough! This species is obsessed with girls. Where ever you go, where ever you sit, whatever you do, their eyes are going to follow you. Don’t be surprised if they follow you and drop you till your hotel. Call the cops!
Couples… Get a room, PLEASE!
Your trip is not complete if you have not seen a couple romancing in public. There is always a couple that will make you uncomfortable with their mushy love and PDA. And when I say couples, I don’t mean gay couples because we are talking about India! The public will get uncomfortable if they see a couple romancing in public, but they will feel offended if they see a gay couple just standing in public. We are nice people! -_-
This person is the nicest person you’ll see in the crowd. But don’t go too close to them, they don’t like it. This species will either be with earphones on or with a book in the hand or just sitting and staring at the horizon. This species will not bother you, you do the same and stay away from them.
“I Am Not Drunk”
“Bring on one more shot please”, “Ohh come on, I am not drunk, you are drunk”, “I have a good capacity” are some of the dialogues that you will hear from Indians on the beach. These are the types of Indians on beaches who drink till they don’t throw up. Because “apparently”, their capacity is kinda “high”. FYI they will not remember you the next day, even if they were throwing up on you last night.
“I Am A Model In My Head”
This species loves to get clicked. They want their non-candid shots to look like candid shots, they want to get clicked while they are standing in an angle with the camera that depicts that they are eating the sun or the sun is falling on their head, they want to jump and want a boomerang with that EVERY TIME! They will write their names on the sand and will tell you to click it as if they will be using this picture as their identity proof for the rest of their lives. IT SHOULD BE PERFECT! They will tell you to click a picture with the sun setting and their crossed-over feet visible in the same picture. Wondering how do I know so much about this species? Well… Let it be! 😉
“I Am The One Clicking”
This is the person who is never visible in any of the pictures because this is the one clicking them. He/She is the most patient person you could ever see and will click any picture you want him to click and will take hundreds of your candids. He will also click sunsets every evening which technically will be the same picture. This person is a self-proclaimed professional photographer.
Uncles With 38 Packs
You must have heard about six and eight pack abs, we in India present to you 38-64 pack fats. See, I am not body-shaming anybody. But I want to understand why is it important for me to see their belly buttons popping out of their shirt or pika-booing from their vests. I don’t think anybody is interested to see this. But in India, you don’t have an option, my friend!
Same is the case with the aunties. They wear sarees and then when they wish to go in the water, they pull up their sarees till knees or above (depends on her choice) and continues. WHY???
As the name suggests, these people either lack or make sure other people around them lack tympanic membrane or myringa, the eardrum. The music that they will be playing will be for their own enjoyment but it’s your problem if you have ears!
The happily wed couple on their honeymoon and the beautiful bride with the half-erased mehendi and red bangles in water getting clicked by the newlywed groom. If you have witnessed this beautiful moment, let me know in the comments section below. I understand culture and tradition but FYI those bangles don’t go with your bikini or beachwear.
Picking shells from the beach is a guilty pleasure for many Indians. I don’t know about other countries, Indians LOVE it. If you think you don’t have enough of the shells with you, go to any Indian who has ever visited a beach, he will be able to give you a kg from his ten. And if you ask us what do we do with these shells, first of all, you are not allowed to ask that question. Secondly, understand we don’t have an answer to this question of yours. We don’t do anything with them. But that is purely our choice to pick shells from every beach we have ever visited. Sorry!
Let me tell you these people find reasons to take off their shirts because they have what usually we Indians don’t have, Abs. They can even take off their shirts for security check-ins in hotels. Don’t be surprised if you witness something like that.
These people love travelling and will ask you about your itinerary. They want to make sure they don’t miss any place. Just to give you a heads up, if anyone of them asks about nude beaches in India, run away and don’t look back.
I would love to know if these points were relatable. Let me know in the comments section below and if possible capture these moments and tag us on our handles.